So yesterday in the previous post I had mentioned that I'd rather play music than watch music and Beth said it made me come off as cocky prick. Then Paul said, "If the shoe fits..."
I didn't mean it in the sense that my music is better than others. I meant it as...well, I'm not sure if Terry Bradshaw would rather be a football commentator in the booth than a player on the field. That's how I meant it.
All of this past blog stuff has lead up to today when I talk a little bit about our show at SXSW. It's taken me a little while to wrap my head around it. Then again, maybe there's nothing to wrap my head around. Still, I like to sort this stuff out and give it a little bit of thought before I might dismiss it as 'just another gig'. And I'd rather write it down so I don't forget. If I don't and someone asks me a coupla months from now, "How was Austin?", I don't want to just say, "Uh, it was cool..."
When we first found out we were playing SXSW, man...I just wish I could've recorded the phone conversations. Have you seen Little Miss Sunshine? Do you remember when Abigail Breslin (the little girl) finds out that she qualified to be in the Little Miss Sunshine contest and gives out that unbridled scream?
It wasn't like that.
It was better.
To hear my bandmates' reactions is something I'll treasure for a long, long time.
But why were we so excited?
Was it because we were going to Austin and it was a chance to meet our idols that may be wandering the streets? Would we meet a big label that would sign us and carry us away from our 9 to 5 world in it's loving bosom? Was it all the cocaine and hookers that they most suredly provide for all the bands just like Chaz used to? Would we meet a manager or publicist or a blogger that would finally...finally...after seeing all these shows and coming to SXSW for ten years, they would FINALLY find, no, finally discover us to be all that they believe to be what rock and roll means and stands for and present us to the world with a big red ribbon saying, "Finally...finally I have found what the world not only wants but needs"?
Or was it just another gig?
I've been trying to sort this out in my head and I really do believe that we just looked at this as an opportunity to play SXSW and sincerely nothing more. I hate to boil it down to something so simplistic as a resume builder, but I think that is exactly what SXSW is.
Booking gets very very very frustrating. It is the part of being in the band that I hate most. I realize that it's not the venue's or the booker's fault. I do not put the blame on those poor bastards. I really don't. When I/we book, we realize that Red Collar is just one of a hundred unknown bands that contacted this guy this week about getting a show. We are no better or no worse than any of those bands. We are just another band.
Except now we have four letters to include in the request for shows:
Red Collar, sxsw
Kinda looks like it should be on a doctor's office door, huh? Well, that's kinda all it really is.
I don't mean this to come across to other bands that are reading this as a "Nya nya! Look what we got and you don't". I mean in the sense that now those Bookers and Venue Owner's ears will prick up a bit and it may make getting shows a bit easier. We're the exact same band and we're going to be sending them the exact same myspace message or press kit or horse's head that we did in the past...
...except now it'll have those letters.
May or may not be fair but that, ladies and gentleman, is what SXSW is and 99.9% of the time I really don't think it means anything more.
Grayson Currin from the local RDU city paper The Independent wrote about some young hopefuls at this year's fest:
http://www.indyweekblogs.com/scan/sxsw07/sxsw07-find-your-gimmick-no-1/
I suppose bands do look to SXSW to find a label that's going to make all their dreams come true. I guess that people go there looking for management. Admittedly, in the past I would've probably felt the same way. Or maybe in the future when I just can't stand taking a look at my TPS Reports* and by chance if the heavens smile on us and we get the opportunity to play SXSW in the future, we'll be 'goal-oriented'. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that with a band. Some people want it to grow organically and others want the machination to turn its gears. I mean, I've worked shitty jobs that would grind the hell out of my psyche and I would've done most anything to get out of them. And if that meant soliciting managers and publicists and what not and do the whole back slapping thing with them over some mimosa's, well, maybe I would've.
But things are different now.
Very recently, I've felt a bit of a sea change with the way that I look at music. The music industry, from the top to the bottom, from the offices in LA to the streets of the Triangle, presents an illusion. Some of the fault lies in the Magician for presentig it (and sometimes the Magician doesn't even know he's presenting an illusion), but a large part of the blame is with the audience who walks away thinking, "Gosh how did he DO that? It must be magic" The 'SXSW' that will go into our little resume, or press kit or myspace message to venue owners asking for a gig?
An illusion.
In the past, I've seen plenty of those bands that have those letters after their name and I outright thought they sucked. Rest assured there are and will be plenty of people who think the same thing about us. Doesn't matter to the venue and bookers. Just those letters.
For fifteen years, I used to be so concerned about playing at certain venues and being on a certain label and playing certain festivals. I thought that there's these posts, these markers that you have to get to to be successful. I'd see all these other bands playing SXSW or CMJ or playing at the Cradle and I would feel the pangs of jealousy. Why can't that be me? I couldn't help but think every time a label turned me down or I wasn't able to get into a venue that I was failing myself in some way.
I looked at music as if it were a game show with prizes behind every curtain and if I just...got...on..to...the...next...round...then everything would finally be right in the world. I would be vindicated!!! I would be professionally satiated!! Satiated? Are you kidding me?? I'd be ecstatic!!! Please, please Bob Barker, if I could just get the prize behind curtain number two-the gig at the Cradle or if a great local would just put my stuff out or if I'd open the mystery envelope to find...a spot at SXSW or in the suitcase is...a deal with Matador!!! A spot at Coachella!!!!! A trip to the couch with Oprah!!!!!!
Although I realize the gravity of the situation that is the beast of SXSW and although I've been excited about every single step that's happened to us, I've realized that the venue isn't the prize or the festival isn't the prize or the label isn't the prize...
...the prize is the band itself.
Sure, a part of me would love to be able to do this lifestyle at least as a semi-living at some point and believe me, I realize what SXSW has meant to bands in the past and I am appreciative and grateful for everything that has happened for the band so far.
But before the Cradle gig and before SXSW and before 307 Knox I realized that the band, this band, is all I ever wanted.
A little more than year ago we played The Dirty Little Heaters CD release party and we had a blast. It was our first good show and I think it was the moment we all realized that this thing just might work. After the show, Mike turned to me and said, "Now what? We just had a great show. This show was everything I could've asked for. Where do we go from here? What else is there?"
I really didn't have an answer. I still don't.
All I know is that mysteriously, all the things that eluded me for fifteen years started happening, ironically only after I stopped be concerned whether or not they would happen.
j
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